After everything I've been through, I'm starting to go through an acceptance process. My therapist says going through something like this you go through the 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). I know that I didn't loose a loved one (the usual application of this process), but it still applies to the situation. I'm grieving the loss of my health and another failed treatment. Now that interstim has failed me, there is nothing else to try. It was a last resort and now I'm waiting for new treatments to be developed. I'm not in a big hurry to be another guinea pig, so it may be a long while before I volunteer for another experimental treatment.
Anyway, I'm starting to feel happy that it didn't work. I read all these messages about ICers going thru problems where the permanent implant isn't working for various reasons. It's such a complicated technology and it still has alot of problems.
I feel like if I did have some kind of success, it probably would just have problems anyway. The lead would move, the adjustments wouldn't be right, the device would malfunction, etc, etc,.
I don't write this to discourage patients from trying this. I'm writing it for myself and for others going through failures. This treatment still has ALOT of problems. I'm certainly proof of that after 5 failed trials.
Ironically, the broken electrode inside of me is now in a perfect S3 location. But I don't even care because I know this treatment is not for me. I just wish I would've stopped sooner because the scars still really ache.
For the first time in months, I'm starting to feel like I'm okay. I'm really happy that I made the decision to stop these treatments. I'm so glad that I didn't have the permanent implant. I'm thrilled that this is finally ending.
take care,
Melanie
Anyway, I'm starting to feel happy that it didn't work. I read all these messages about ICers going thru problems where the permanent implant isn't working for various reasons. It's such a complicated technology and it still has alot of problems.
I feel like if I did have some kind of success, it probably would just have problems anyway. The lead would move, the adjustments wouldn't be right, the device would malfunction, etc, etc,.
I don't write this to discourage patients from trying this. I'm writing it for myself and for others going through failures. This treatment still has ALOT of problems. I'm certainly proof of that after 5 failed trials.
Ironically, the broken electrode inside of me is now in a perfect S3 location. But I don't even care because I know this treatment is not for me. I just wish I would've stopped sooner because the scars still really ache.
For the first time in months, I'm starting to feel like I'm okay. I'm really happy that I made the decision to stop these treatments. I'm so glad that I didn't have the permanent implant. I'm thrilled that this is finally ending.
take care,
Melanie
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