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Interstim Diary -- Day Nine, Taking Charge
Last night I had a horrible pain flare which required two pain pills, my heating pad, and my bed to break. This morning, I was so exhausted I slept until noon. Of course, I did have a few pee breaks, but that's to be expected; I was yet again impressed with the way the Interstim was able to control my urgency and frequency during a flare, but felt frustrated about the pain anyway.
My hubby, nice guy that he is, started the laundry and things so that I could sleep, and when I woke he made me toast. We talked about the fact that I was just so damn tired, and came to the conclusion that having the Interstim trial and then going right back to work was more tiring than even I realized at the time, leading me to a flare of the IC and a flare of the fibromyalgia and what we suspect may be chronic fatigue syndrome. Even my doctor was somewhat annoyed yesterday when he found out I'd gone to work with the trial stim in; he warned me I was running the risk of moving the lead and/or getting a bad infection from the hospital I work in, which I knew deep inside.
I complained to hubby this morning that I needed to be healthy for my permanent implant on Friday -- we all know that starting a surgery ill leads to a longer road to recovery. Hubby agreed, and together we decided it was time for me to stop bowing to the wishes of my boss, who cannot even take the time to ask me how I'm feeling after surgery, and once again take charge of my own health.
With that realization, we drafted an email to my boss. In it, we described yesterday's visit with the doctor and stated exactly what I said above about moving the lead and/or getting an infection. We also told him in the email that after the permanent implant, I would need at least two to three weeks to recover from surgery, and said that because of everything, I would need to be off as of THIS MONDAY the 12th through at least March 9th.
It was scary to hit send on that one -- because my boss is constantly after me about not spending 100 hours a week in the lab, I carry a lot of fear and guilt around and drag myself to work even when I am ill. I even went to work once this year with a stomach virus, and spread it to everyone in epidemic proportions. BUT, I am glad I sent it. It was empowering. It was good to stand up for what I need and not what he wants.
Of course, now I am nervous about his response -- nervous enough to be nauseated. Sad, isn't it? Sad that I have been essentially brainwashed into thinking that even surgery is not an excuse to miss work, even though I watch other people take time off to go to concerts or because they broke up with a boyfriend and are too depressed to come to work.
If I have to, I will deal with Human Resources about family leave, and I am also thinking about beginning a relationship with our disability office as well. My husband pointed out that if I am so scared to miss work even after surgery, the work environment is not conducive to someone with a chronic illness or disability, and in that case the disability office should know about it. I do agree; I feel that a partnership with them at this point could give me extra strength and leverage, and support when I need it.
Even though I'm nervous, I am proud of myself for standing up for what I need today.
And I'm still peeing, on average, 9-10 times a day.
My hubby, nice guy that he is, started the laundry and things so that I could sleep, and when I woke he made me toast. We talked about the fact that I was just so damn tired, and came to the conclusion that having the Interstim trial and then going right back to work was more tiring than even I realized at the time, leading me to a flare of the IC and a flare of the fibromyalgia and what we suspect may be chronic fatigue syndrome. Even my doctor was somewhat annoyed yesterday when he found out I'd gone to work with the trial stim in; he warned me I was running the risk of moving the lead and/or getting a bad infection from the hospital I work in, which I knew deep inside.
I complained to hubby this morning that I needed to be healthy for my permanent implant on Friday -- we all know that starting a surgery ill leads to a longer road to recovery. Hubby agreed, and together we decided it was time for me to stop bowing to the wishes of my boss, who cannot even take the time to ask me how I'm feeling after surgery, and once again take charge of my own health.
With that realization, we drafted an email to my boss. In it, we described yesterday's visit with the doctor and stated exactly what I said above about moving the lead and/or getting an infection. We also told him in the email that after the permanent implant, I would need at least two to three weeks to recover from surgery, and said that because of everything, I would need to be off as of THIS MONDAY the 12th through at least March 9th.
It was scary to hit send on that one -- because my boss is constantly after me about not spending 100 hours a week in the lab, I carry a lot of fear and guilt around and drag myself to work even when I am ill. I even went to work once this year with a stomach virus, and spread it to everyone in epidemic proportions. BUT, I am glad I sent it. It was empowering. It was good to stand up for what I need and not what he wants.
Of course, now I am nervous about his response -- nervous enough to be nauseated. Sad, isn't it? Sad that I have been essentially brainwashed into thinking that even surgery is not an excuse to miss work, even though I watch other people take time off to go to concerts or because they broke up with a boyfriend and are too depressed to come to work.
If I have to, I will deal with Human Resources about family leave, and I am also thinking about beginning a relationship with our disability office as well. My husband pointed out that if I am so scared to miss work even after surgery, the work environment is not conducive to someone with a chronic illness or disability, and in that case the disability office should know about it. I do agree; I feel that a partnership with them at this point could give me extra strength and leverage, and support when I need it.
Even though I'm nervous, I am proud of myself for standing up for what I need today.
And I'm still peeing, on average, 9-10 times a day.
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