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Interstim Diary -- Day Nine, Taking Charge

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  • Georgia L
    replied
    I am very blessed to have an employer that not only is kind and understanding but has been so supportive and helpful. I teach school and she suggested I go ahead and have my surgery now and not wait till the summer. But I have worked for one who was not at all supportive. I had to have a hysterectomy and lots of adhensions removed in 05, and after a few weeks she called to ask if I thought I was better then? good grief! some people just don't have the sense the good Lord gave a billy goat!

    Note: I love the quotes and verses lots of you include. I will have to work on adding those GL

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  • sandramac
    replied
    Hope all goes well Jen! Praying for you & your husband! Hugs Sandra

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  • Bessie
    replied
    Good for you Jen.......I am proud that you did not let your boss intimidate you. He sounds like such a jerk!!

    I hope your husband is feeling better and that all goes well this week with your surgery.

    Hang in there!

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  • topcop229
    replied
    I am SO glad you didn't let your boss' tactics to try and make you feel guilty work. That's so pathetic of him to do, try and make a person trying to heal from one surgery and getting ready to go into a second feel guilty...he is the one that should feel guilty for how he's treating you and how he lets others treat you!

    I'm sure Dr. Evans will have NO problem sending you a letter or sending something straight to your boss.

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  • Sarojini
    replied
    Hey all... first thanks for the support

    My boss wrote back and asked for a letter from Dr. Evans stating why I have to be out. I figured they would want something like that, so I called the doc's office and left a message to let him know about it so he can get started. I'm sure he'll call back and we'll work it out.

    The note my boss sent WAS written in a manner that was meant to make me feel bad, but I just brushed it off. I have too much to worry about right now with myself healing/about to have surgery and now with my husband really ill. I just don't have any more brain space to deal with an annoying boss so if he wants to be a jacka$$, it's his problem at this point!!

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  • topcop229
    replied
    Jen,

    The most important thing for you to remember is NOT to let your boss make you feel bad. Of course when he replies there is a chance it will either be angry or written in a manner to try and make you feel guilty. Don't let it!! You KNOW your body, you just had one major surgery and are getting ready to have another, and there is no reason that you should risk infection or a longer recovery for anybody, much less a boss and a bunch of coworkers that aren't nice to you.

    Please keep us posted on his response!

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  • Sarojini
    replied
    Sandra, I am so sorry to hear about your husband

    Please tell him I know what he is going through -- when I quit my last job in August 2004, which, believe it or not, was WORSE than the job I have now, it was nearly the same. My husband came home to find me sitting in the middle of the living room floor crying my eyes out -- he was about to leave to go on a trip to Wisconsin, and I kept clinging to him and asking him not to leave me. We ended up calling my urologist at the time, who referred me to a psychiatrist and also signed me off work for two weeks. I went to Wisconsin with hubby, but when I came back to work it was more of the same (including some harassment that we should have taken legal action over) so I just quit. I took a year off and then found another job... but in this field it's often more of the same. *sigh*

    I hope your hubby does okay now and that they will treat him much better when he goes back. I also hope his meds and therapy are helping him to deal with anxiety, etc.

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  • patricia1
    replied
    Jen you brought a smile to my little kidney stone battle face today thanks!!!

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  • sandramac
    replied
    Jen
    Im glad you stood up for yourself , My hubby has been in the health field for 10 years & burnt out! I found him last may 14th, sitting in the bathroom sobbing, For 3 days .he did not know why!He has been Dio with Depression & Anxiety , Hes on meds & seeking treatment.The hospital where he works , got 14 staff to try to do what he did in a day .They were unable to keep up with the pace. No wonder he snapped. I"m very fearfull as hes gonna try to return to work in a few weeks. How he will handle the stress.But now with him off the hospital see's his worth in his skills & talent , And will hopefully respect him more for what he does. keep us posted on how you do ! Sending supportive Hugs Sandra

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  • SandyRN
    replied
    Jen, I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself. I can't wait to hear what your boss's reaction is to your letter. Does HE work weekends? Seems like he should considering the fact that he thinks you ought to!? I guess since he's the all powerful OZ he won't be in to read it til tomorrow, huh?

    Let us know how your letter goes over with him. I wish you the best of luck!! And....good for you for taking charge of your health and your body!

    Leave a comment:


  • Sarojini
    replied
    I can imagine, Patricia.... kids are like that! But I bet you are a great mommy anyway

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  • patricia1
    replied
    this is actually a good thing that you are taking time off. Like Donna said it is major surgery and should you get back to doing things to soon or fast your could end up with an infection or something and that would ruin everything you have been through.

    I understand about work. Although I was not in science work (by the way thank goodness for you) I did payroll and missing was like I did something wrong. So finally when my job transferred to Memphis I dec to take a severance package and stay home with the kids and then I went ahead a fied for SSD. For me it is nice not to have to worry about calling in sick to a boss anymore. Although the only bosses I can never call in sick to are the kids, they dont understand that Moms get sick to.

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  • Sarojini
    replied
    The weird thing about my job is that as an NCI (National Cancer Institute) funded research fellow, I do NOT accrue either sick or vacation time, believe it or not. In these instances, it is simply up to my supervisor to decide whether or not he is going to approve it. In the past when I have requested vacation days, he has not had a problem with it, but of course, it was not for so long a time -- just a few days around the holidays or a few days in the summer.

    It is weird and uncomfortable to be so beholden to my supervisor -- I have, in a sense, been sold to him by the NCI like a slave. Which is why most fellows get TREATED like slaves!

    I am going to have to talk to Human Resources. The only thing is, half the time they have NO idea what to do about fellows, but I think they are getting better at it. I am pretty sure I do have the right to FMLA even though I don't have any other benefits other than free health/dental/vision insurance (which is the one thing that is great -- the NCI pays all premiums for my health insurance, and I think the reason they do that is to make sure that if us slaves get ill, we get back into the lab quickly).

    Ugggh...

    BUT, I am glad that I stood up for myself yesterday and sent that email. For once, I didn't apologize either. I am a chronic over-apologizer I apologize for stuff that isn't even my fault routinely. Anyway, my email was pleasant, but unapologetic this time. It just stated that this time was NEEDED and that was that.

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  • ICNDonna
    replied
    I'm so glad you're taking some time off to recover. What you're going through is not a minor thing --- it's an invasive surgery and you need time to heal.

    Sending gentle hugs your way,
    Donna

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  • topcop229
    replied
    Jen,

    I am SO proud of you for putting your health first and standing up for yourself to your boss. It's so important that we realize that more than anything else, we owe it to ourselves to give our bodies the rest they need, especially dealing with IC, surgery, and everything else!!!

    I would advise you to get FMLA paperwork completed. That guarantees you 12 weeks of leave and you MUST be restored to your same or equal position at the same pay. Also, it can be paid or unpaid leave, so you can typically still use sick or vacation hours and use the FMLA leave. Also, you don't have to use all 12 weeks in a row, so just in case you stay in this job for a bit, you would be able to use the time again later if necessary.

    Also, I think that it's a good idea that you form that relationship with your disability office, IF you trust them. I don't want to see you end up like me, in the middle of a legal battle because I did disclose my disability and got fired illegally after my FMLA time ran out. It's a shame what we have to go through with our health, and then have to worry what is going to happen to us at work as well!

    Dr. Evans will readily sign the paperwork for you, I know because he's done it for me. He has absolutely no problem with it and will support you fully.

    Claudia

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